youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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