I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
