I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
