Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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