U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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