I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Two words: nipple clamps
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