I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
