Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
