Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
