I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
