Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
