I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize