At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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