Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize