You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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