it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
