another moral hangover. fuck.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
