His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
