you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
