So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
