He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
