Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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