Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
