maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
