It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
