That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
