I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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