Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
