no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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