Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
