Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize