I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
