Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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