Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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