Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
