What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
