I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
