Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize