she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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