His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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