I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize