I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
