Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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