It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
