did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
