Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
