and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
