i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
