Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
