call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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