xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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