you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
