There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
