you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
