my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
