After last night, I could never be a politician.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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