So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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