just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
