Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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