I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
