I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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