I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
