i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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