I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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