exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
