the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
its liver damage thursday
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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