She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Randomize
